trip!

Here are a few snaps of my trip to France (actually the pics are taken in Brussels, although I guess you wouldn't know from looking...) Can you spot Tintin? Brussels was cool, but actually we only ended up spending about an hour in the actual city itself... We had to waste the whole morning in MiniEurope (woo) waiting for our tour guides. I spent most of our free half hour looking for decent frites au mayonnaise, unsuccessfully (they were rubbish). Should've got a waffle instead! However, during our second trip into Belgium (Ypres) we did manage to get some decent chips!

We also got to visit Flanders and some war cemeteries. Very touching indeed, although hard to contemplate everything having to escort 39 kids around. Especially moving was the cemetery where John McCrae was based and his poem 'In Flanders' Fields'.

I'll write more later and try to make it sound less like I'm writing a postcard.

opera

This is actually my second opera! The other one I saw was at the Opera Garnier in Paris so can't really compare... (Last time I was at the Grand Opera House was for Rufus - almost a year ago!) It wasn't the best time for me to see a tragedy, although looking back it was the best thing to do. I just got back from home~ I feel refreshed and ready for the week ahead. I'm so lucky to have great friends (thanks people) and a great m&d... Life does exist outside the world of PGCE (it's official).

Through a mixture of impatience and lack of thought I think I've screwed something up that I shouldn't have. Will I ever learn from my carelessness? I think it's time for me to escape this pgce life for a bit and take a bigger look at things. Maybe they'll seem clearer then. I hate the rollercoaster feeling of teaching (in one day I can have so many emotions) on top of the rollercoaster of what they say is 'life'. I feel exhausted. Gosh, I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. I wish sometimes we could put life on hold to have a look at it from a distance instead of being all tangled up not knowing which way to go or what to say.

Time to organise my files or something.

someone switch me off

Feeling really confused these days. I like this though: 'nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so...' Sometimes I wish I could stop myself from thinking but being the person I am I can't help it. I always wonder about what's going to happen and it's scary not being able to be in control of things. Oh well.

This is waffly I know... Why can't things just be black and white?

Moan over.

new things to look forward to:

1. Being able to afford a car and a nicer place to live (I got the job...)
2. France 24/03-30/04
3. London, incl. the West End! 03/04-04/04
4. Glasgow 06/04-08/04
5. Fish and chips lunch this Saturday
6. Two uni days this week
7. The Leadmill? again.

Can't believe they offered it to me~ No going back now!!

If someone asked me, 'what makes you happy?', I think I would say 'having lots of things to look forward to'! So there we go.

Gemma Hayes, The Leadmill, 11.03.06

Capote and other things

I saw Capote last night.
To be honest I wasn't that thrilled at going to see it, but I hadn't had a trip to the cinema in a few weeks and since this got such a good write-up I didn't think it would hurt. I think I'm getting old though. Each time I go to the cinema, films seem incredibly long (or maybe that's just because I don't like them). Anyhow, it turned out to be excellent. I couldn't watch the scenes with blood (not too many though) or of people dying, but apart from those bits it was pretty gripping and I didn't fall asleep! And like K I was relieved there was a conclusion. Didn't have to sit wondering all night what happened and who did what. (Don't even mention Hidden to me...)

Last week was pretty much a roller-coaster. Started off with a high after getting a glowing teaching observation from my university tutor (this guy is even head of the whole PGCE course... not just MFL!) I mean, he couldn't critcise me at all. Bit weird, but true! Things plummeted on Thursday though and it's complicated so I'm not writing about it here. And Friday seemed to go well, but then Fridays are always good. This one was good because S and I went to MASH. Only people who have heard of MASH will appreciate what I mean... I mean, it's virtually impossible, unheard of even, to walk into there and ask if there is a spare table and for them to say yes. But they said yes this time! We were quite shocked. Guess the snow had put people off making the journey in. It was lovely though. Delicious food~~ although of course the portions were too small. But yummy food indeed and good company:-) Followed by getting to see my coursemates. I feel so guilty though as these days it seems to take so much energy to hold a normal conversation that I'm worried people think I'm rude...

I got to catch up with K no.2 yesterday too, and R (went to her flat for the first time!) and also eat pancakes and yummy Chinese soup (thanks to WY!). I love weekends. Why do they end?

Thoughts are now buzzing around in my head about not being a teacher. It's hard and stressful and I feel such a loser for thinking like this but if it's not making me happy then why should I dedicate my life to it when I'd rather be poor but have free time to learn guitar and languages and have fun? Is that the wrong attitude?