Location: Sheffield, South Yorkshire, United Kingdom

Sunday, November 27, 2005

fed up day

I feel really fed up today. Why is it that I look forward to the weekends so much and then when it comes I feel rubbish? I think it's all to do with this room. It's impossible to feel at all relaxed in this flat - it's so impersonal and it doesn't feel like home at all. And after spending all day at this desk working I then have to relax here too, and that doesn't really work. This is bad! One day of being in this room and I think I'm going mad. Oh to have my own place with sofas and a nice kitchen and separate bedroom and TV and all homely things!

And what's more scary is that I have to decide soon what I'm doing with the rest of my life~~ do I apply for teaching jobs even though I'm not sure about it? If I don't, then next summer will be one of those hellish what's-the-point kind of summers and I'll have to figure out yet again what to do. If I DO apply for teaching jobs and get a job, at least I will feel purposeful... What should I do? Be a teacher? Or what? What else can I do? Teaching would give me security and a decent salary (perhaps) but stress and no free time. But at least I wouldn't get bored. I would be able to afford to go on holiday again. (I really want to go on holiday!) But I could be miserable. Or maybe I wouldn't be. Should I just try it and see what happens? Why am I so bad at making decisions?

God, this is a miserable entry. It's one of those days when I've had too much of my own company.


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